We pay attention to what is actually said

My work is getting very keen on Health and Safety.  I read a notice saying:

"If you see a fire extinguisher propping open a fire door, remove yourself".

I read this as telling me to remove myself from the building!  

It took me some considerable seconds to figure out that the intended meaning is "remove the fire extinguisher".

Apparently NTs would have understood the real meaning instantly - their first impression is the coherent meaning.  Whereas ours is what is actually said.

So, can you actually feel sadness then?

I recently got asked in an assessment situation if I was capable of feeling sadness?

I said that I felt extremely sad that the questioner was not sure if I was, emotionally-speaking, a human being or a toaster!  

PLEASE, if you don't know something as basic as that, couldn't you google it before attempting to assess me?
 
All autistic people HAVE emotions.  We just may not express them in the way that others may expect.  I wrote about 6 pages of feedback to the questioner, which was not at all what they expected!

Who is the trampoline for?

A visitor calls, to install my boiler:

"Who is the trampoline for then?" 

"That would be for me".

Entering HR

Entering HR, I find looks of deep concern and enquiries as to if I'm alright and could I wait for a minute. 

I say I'm fine and I've just come to say how much I'm enjoying my job. 

Look of incredulous relief and surprise. I then go on to tell HR to treat my new boss fairly, with justice and to give her help if she needs it. HR woman smiles and assures me she will carry out justice.

The sound of a carrot

An aspie friend phones me whilst I’m cooking dinner.  I set the phone down in my kitchen and put it on speaker phone.  I make dinner whilst chatting (hey, I'm multi-tasking!).  

My friend not only figures out that I’m cooking, but identifies the vegetable is carrots (by the sound of the chop) and also when my stir fry is ready to eat (by the sizzle)!  He tells me that carrots have a particular sound being chopped, which is different to onions, parsnips etc.   

He advises me to sharpen my knife as it is obvious I’m putting too much force into the chopping.

Some conversations could only be had between aspies!

The perils of dressing correctly

Friend: "I'm getting confused because Debi has different clothing standards than my support worker, and I don't like two bits of different information. Is it just the case that Debi is a scruff-bag and I should ignore her?". 

Support worker: "Yes."

Art critique class

At work:

Me:  "Can I sit in on an art critique class?" 

My boss:  "Yes, that would be fine, but you would probably find it hilarious the nuances that we read into what a photograph is intending to express, and I'd have to ask you to be very quiet at the back and try not to talk too much or burst out laughing".